Okay, so for the last seven years I have wanted to be on the amazing race. Even blogged about it a while back, only to have a counter blog done by my brother, telling why he wouldn’t go on the amazing race with me. Only after he sent in an audition tape with me six years ago.
But after my recent trip to Israel I have discovered why I now do not want to go on the amazing race. Here are my Top Ten Reasons:
1- I have to go to the bathroom way too much! And when your on a bus, on a plane, on a subway, on the street, in a race, it’s not the handiest issue to have.
2- I can’t stand long flights in claustrophobic places with the man behind me kicking my seat and hacking down my back! So, 30 days of that no longer feels appealing.
3- I cannot tolerate rude people. Just can’t. I’m from the south. Even if we do rude we do it so sweetly, it will take you two days before you realize we were being rude….just saying.
4- Foreign money is way too confusing. And for some reason just opening my wallet and saying, “Take whatever I owe you” didn’t work out real well for me.
5- I can eat no more Falafel! Can’t do it. If I see another fried chickpea I, well, I’m not sure what I would do.
6- Sister can’t do heights. I just can’t. Makes me weak in the knees. When Roxie all but hung off the cliff at Nazareth I thought I was going to collapse right there and it wasn’t even me!
7- I can’t do bad smells. I have the weakest stomach. And when you’re walking through a market with the entire inhabitants of Noah’s ark already skinned and hanging for dinner, well, it just doesn’t work out real well.
8- I don’t camp well. I don’t. Can’t apologize for it. When you travel with your own sheets you know you have an issue with hotels. And I can tell you there are times I’d rather be in a tent in my backyard than some of the hotels I’ve stayed in.
9- I can only survive on bread, cheesecrackers, and coke for so long. Even Jesus said, “Man can’t live on bread alone.” And He was so right!
10- And finally. I just can’t be that far away from my mama. There, I said it. So, until you can get Miss Darlyn, with her high heel shoes, her two pair of jeans (that it took her 65 years to buy herself), her vocabulary of “baby”, “sugar”, “honey”, “darlin'” translated into Swahili, and actually get the Amazing Race to let her be my partner, I’m not going!
