I was raised in a denominational environment that was far more about what you did than about the condition of your heart. So, in my journey the last few years there has been a lot of changing in some old ways of thinking that I’ve had to do. But I am also a doer by nature. A planner too…Oh, man, sister loves a plan.
One of the hardest pieces of my new life is learning to go without a plan. It kind of freaks me out. Okay, freaks me out in a huge way! So, right before we’ll get the kids for a weekend I’ll look at Philly and say, “Okay, what’s the plan.”
When I was single there was a plan. There was always a plan and there was always places that I served. I served in Bible Study for years and served one Sunday a month at church when we would go into our community and I’d wander down the halls of the nursing home seeing who I could hug or talk to. I served other singles by fixing them big ole dinners and served a still others by encouraging conversations over fajitas or pizza. And then, almost ten months ago my life completely changed. And the way that I had served for so long seemed to change in one fell swoop.
Leaving me to struggle with this “serving” piece. The struggle is in my mind- I think I’m not “doing” enough for God because I’m not meeting with women, I’m not teaching Bible Study, I don’t have a book deadline right now and so I’ll ask the question repeatedly, “God, am I doing enough for you.” But this Saturday in His gentleness He gave me peace. I had a brief moment to pause between coloring in my youngest “bonus daughter’s” new coloring book and a rather exciting game of family soccer (which I scored two goals for!- my team still lost though)and I found a minute for a Coca-Cola and a few pages in a book I’m reading. But in the middle of the reading I just felt that tug. The one that grabs my heart and urges me to pull away with my Father. So I sat the book down, leaned my head back and got as honest as I knew how to be. And once again the question came, “Father, I’m not sure I’m serving enough. Am I?”
If God giggles I think I heard Him giggle. And in that sweet and gentle way He does He simply reminded me that serving looks different at different seasons, and so right now my serving is by couponing, and grocery shopping and coloring in coloring books, and curling little girl’s hair, and snuggling up on the couch to watch Extreme Home Makeover with the family, or helping with homework, or fixing dinner, or being the “Mystery Reader” for the second grade class and reading from “The Giving Tree”, or being the taxi- or sitting at the mall reading a book while a couple tweens sprout their independent wings and peruse stores with no cash…In that moment with my head leaned back, My Father, reminded me that life isn’t about “serving” a certain way. It is about “serving” the way He designed for this season of our life. About “serving” where we are planted. And this is my new garden…And “There is a time for everything under the sun.”
The “just because” note from my sweet husband the other day even said these words…”thank you for how you serve our family.” God has planted me here, at this moment in time, in this place to serve this way. When I go to speak next month I will be serving those women. But the challenge is to enjoy the places we serve today without the pressure of always worrying if we’re getting it right.
I don’t know what season of “serving” you may be in right now. But give yourself grace. You know, I’ve discovered His net of grace is far wider than mine. I’m so grateful. What does your “serving” season look like? What grace can you offer yourself?
