A seed of rejection haunts me. It’s crazy. I didn’t come into the world with it. My parents didn’t cultivate it in me. But it is there now. And it doesn’t always bring out the best in me. I noticed how deeply it went recently when a simple request by one of our children felt like a stab in my gut. It left the tears falling furiously and me asking my Father what was this from. It was an understandable request. A request I have even offered. Yet the acceptance of it had gone straight to my place of value. The Lord made it clear that day that this was went to the core of my pain from years of rejection. A wound far larger than I ever realized. In fact, I had honestly believed that I had dealt with the years of rejection pretty well. Had come through them all right. But this moment proved they had created a sever hole in the soul of me that my Father desperately needed to heal.

I took it to my Father and asked Him to begin to heal this place in me. And then it was hit again. This time over something so trivial. It was over waffles! Who has rejection issues over waffles?! One of our girls has a request every morning for breakfast: four blueberry waffles. Well, now that I am the coupon queen and don’t buy something unless it is on sale, and have become the new mouthpiece for Southern Savers website, what is in our refrigerator has been nothing short of a twenty hour workweek. And a couple weeks ago it was Aunt Jemima waffles that were on sale and with my coupons I got them free! Now, if I ate waffles, I would have eaten those particular waffles convinced they were the best in the world, why because they were free…. However, I am apparently not a waffle connoisseur. But my girl is. And they apparently aren’t Eggo’s…

She looked up at me and said, “Could I please have Eggo waffles?”

The Aunt Jemima box was on the counter, so this particular morning, (even though she had been eating Aunt Jemima waffles for the last week without complaint, the observation had been made they weren’t Eggo waffles.

I couldn’t believe it. I had worked hard to get those free waffles. And the pain that one comment seared on my soul was real and way out of proportion to the comment. I took the plate of waffles, dumped them in the trash and proceeded to ask, “What would you like to eat?”

At this point I could tell by her face she wasn’t quite sure whether she should ask for anything else or not. But she finally mustered the courage for Fruity Pebbles. Of which I did have. I fixed her Fruity Pebbles and waited for the house to clear out so I could cry. As I’m crying over waffles I ask my Father, “What is this in me?”

“You feel rejected.”

And I knew I did. It was rejection once again. How was it so real? How did a wound that I thought was healed still have such an ugly hold on me? Once again I took it to my Father.

Wounds can run deep. Wounds of rejection, insecurity, isolation. Wounds of betrayal, accusation, abandonment. We see the by-products of these wounds everyday. On the pews in our churches, in the halls of our schools, in the cells of our prisons. And we have a loving Father, desperately desiring to heal each one. How? By reminding us how He sees us. A friend was praying with me the other day and she said, “When those feelings of rejection come up remind the enemy instead that you are chosen. Because being chosen is the opposite of rejection.”

And we are aren’t we? Deuteronomy 14:2 “For you are a holy people to the LORD your God; the LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples on the face of the earth.”

1Peter 2:9  “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light:”

He also promised us in Deuteronomy 31:8  “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

These are the things I have to remind myself on the days my past would try to rear its ugly head and pull me back to the lies of the enemy. What lies is he telling you? What truths do you need to believe? Dig them out. Read them over and over and over. And remind the enemy of what the real truth is. How does God truly see you?

I’m going to have to have a talk with my girl and apologize to her over how I acted over her desire for Eggo waffles. She deserves that from me. And I’m going to explain to her how there are moments when life wounds us so deeply that those wounds are touched even when no one means to touch them. But God allows them to be touched because He so desperately desires to heal them. If your wounds are being touched. If old places of hurt have resurfaced. Could it be God is resurrecting them because it is time for them to be healed? If I live my life with this wound of rejection what will I miss of my chosenness along the way? God chose me for this new task. Of that I am confident. But oh how sad it would be to walk in my wounds and miss my moment…I’m choosing not to do that…will you?

There will be more moments of picking the wrong lasagna, not buying the right snacks, putting water in a glass that had recently been used to clean the paint brushes, going to a tea room and not realizing that little girls aren’t really crazy about hot tea or frou-frou sandwiches, (can you tell it’s been an interesting couple of weeks) and I am going to have the opportunity to remind myself that these are not moments of rejection. These are simply moments of children…they are picky. And so was I. And I am still chosen, not rejected. And in those moments where I have the opportunity to walk in my chosenness my rejection will lose its hold. Unfortunately the only way to know if it is gone is for it to be pricked. Not looking real forward to that. But I am looking forward to my response…I’ll let you know how it turns out…