Jessika, you have just hit the ground running ever since you started serving with the Discipleship arm of Love Nashville, being a regular presence during the recent Reclaiming Your Heart book & Bible study and now serving as an “ally” in the Faith & Finance course — we are beyond thankful to have a heart like yours as a part of our team. Would you mind sharing a bit about how you initially connected with the ministry and why it was something you chose to get involved with?

Absolutely! Before moving to Nashville I lived in Los Angeles. There, I worked with a local ministry called Treasures that helps provide resources and mentorship to survivors of the sex trade. When I moved to Nashville, I asked our Los Angeles office how I might best be able to serve the community here. They directed me to someone who introduced me to Denise and Edie and from there we were off and running!

The reason I continue to serve with women who have experienced sexual exploitation is because I worked in the commercial sex industry myself for 12 years. I started at the age of 18 and although I tried to quit several times, it wasn’t until I started receiving regular care from Treasures that I was able to fully remove myself from the industry and stay out. I’m so grateful for those who freely gave to help me in my darkest moments and I feel compelled to offer a hand to anyone who finds herself in a similar situation and wants help.

Thank you so much for your vulnerability, Jessika; what a beautiful testimony to the redemptive power of the love of Jesus!

As I’m sure you’ll agree, our ability to minister to others and pour out ourselves is only as good as how well we take care of ourselves; self care is vital to serving others well. I understand you have a current self care practice that may seem a bit out of the ordinary to some. Can you discuss some about that and maybe anything else you practice in order to take care of your heart?

Part of what we do on the Love Nashville Discipleship Team is escort the women we serve to Freedom Reigns Ranch where they receive equine therapy. After a couple of visits, the founder, Carissa, noticed that I was also struggling with the effects of trauma and graciously offered me an opportunity to receive the therapy myself. This therapy has greatly helped me with my PTSD and I’m so grateful for this opportunity to further heal some of my wounds.

We all experience trauma. Not a single one of us is free from experiencing loss and pain. In order for me to help others I must help myself first. This makes me a safe person, better equipped to serve. In equine therapy we do things like brush and wash the horses, work them and train them in the ring, or just ride them. Our relationship with our horse helps us to see things that we might otherwise not be able to see about ourselves. Working with my horse has allowed me to open up emotionally in areas I was shut down or walled off. Equine therapy is a very special experience and I highly recommend it to anyone hoping to heal from trauma.  

In addition to this therapy I focus on what I eat, working out, spending time with loved ones, taking time to study and journal, and doing some of my favorite hobbies.  

What value do those things bring to your life?

Because I practice self-care, I am more patient, more alert, and I have more energy to live the life I want to live. I realize that in mentoring women they are sometimes following my lead. It’s valuable to me to be able to be living a life that someone else could follow. I want women in our world to feel empowered. What we model in life says so much more to people than the words we say. One of the ways we empower women and youth is by living well so that they in turn can learn to love themselves well also.

If someone were to read this and say, “Jessika, that’s so great that you’re mindful to prioritize that in your life but there’s just so much in my way. Even if I really wanted to, there’s no way for me to take time for myself; all I do is give, give, give of myself and have no margin to be able to do anything else”, how would you respond to them?

That is such a great question. I firmly believe we can only love others as well as we love ourselves.  When I am thinking about what healthy boundaries might look like in my life, I often ask myself, “How would I treat my friends?”. Would I ask my best friend to do all of these things in one day with no time to rest? Would I expect others to give of themselves until they drop? Of course not! When it comes to self-care and self-talk I try to remember to be a friend to myself. If others see that I am able to love myself, they will know that I have room left to love them, too.  

If you find that you are struggling with saying no to requests, there may be a deeper issue at work. In every choice we make we are getting something out of it. There is a reason why we overload ourselves; getting to the deeper issue can help change our way of thinking. I highly recommend Dr. Henry Cloud for advice in the area of boundaries and self-care. I have learned a lot from his teaching and he has been a great example to follow.

And one last question: if you had to choose a song to best represent you — either your whole life or even just where you are in this current season — what song would it be and why?

When I think about my life, I often think about the song “Temporary Home”.  

‘This is my temporary home. It’s not where I belong. Windows and rooms, that I’m passing through. This is just a stop, on the way to where I’m going. I’m not afraid because I know, this is my temporary home.’

Because I am a Christian, I know that this world is not the finish line. When it starts to feel like life is too hard or I get wrapped up in issues I can’t resolve, I ask myself, “What is eternal, and what will turn to ash?” I want to make choices that have an everlasting effect. Sacrifices are made; I don’t get to buy every thing I’d like to or do every fun thing that comes to mind. But the things that will last, that I will remember in heaven, like women’s hearts being healed, children being rescued from slavery, marriages, and children being born — those things will have a lasting affect on the world around us. So when it all feels like too much for me, I just remember… this is my temporary home. Keep the main thing the main thing. Focus on the finish line. All the little choices in life add up to a beautiful life worth living.