Today I realized I am one of those angry hearts I have written about. Not by
accident either that I am re-reading “Reclaiming Your Heart” to prepare for
upcoming interviews and that is the chapter I am on.

There I am this morning on the elliptical at the gym and the tears just start falling and I ask
you, “Lord what is this about? What is all of this emotion inside of me?” And in
my asking you answered sweetly by your Holy Spirit to my heart, “You’re angry.”
I wasn’t even looking for an excuse to quit working out, but the weeping that
had my shoulders shaking made it clear this wasn’t the most appropriate place
for a breakdown. I left and had to pull the car over into the back of the
parking lot and yell and pray and get honest. Just like you showed me would
bring healing to an angry heart.

And I did. I let my anger pour out from my heart to yours. Anger over feeling missed. Anger over being mistreated.
Anger over being judged. And as I let the anger pour out I realized I was angry at
everything even at you. And you let me vent out all that was inside. And as the
recognition came and the release came the repentance followed closely behind.
Yet, just being able to get it out this morning was so healing and helpful. I
was able to just release it all. And even releasing it I felt lighter.

But I sat there and just let the words of old hymns wash over me-
Be still my soul- and that other old hymn – Precious Lord take my hand. – And
listening to those lyrics you think of all the old psalmists who were so
desperate for you too-

“I am tired. I am weak. I am worn. Lead me on – help me stand “-
And it just really ministered to me in those moments.

So- I am grateful for that freedom today. I am grateful I was brave
enough to ask the question and greater still that you loved me enough to answer.

The day still held immense challenges. One of our children had a
horrible meltdown. And yet, with my time with you and the freedom that you
allowed me and the healing you gave me I was reminded that one of anger’s
greatest weapons is to remove us from being present. So, I made the conscious
decision that one child’s situation wasn’t going to remove my heart from being
present with the rest of my family.

So thank you Father. This fast is revealing stuff in my own heart that needs to be dealt with. This didn’t happen
over night, these feelings, these fears, these disappointments, this anger. And
yet you used the words you had allowed me to pen months before to bring freedom
to my own heart today. And each of us benefited greatly…

What I do with my anger makes it sin.

Thank you for how you love me. Thank you that you have all that I need for my life and my story.