I remember the first time I began writing a novel after my divorce. I was
scared. I’m always scared when I sit down to write whether it is page one or
page three hundred and one. Each day I have to push past that fear. But I hadn’t
taken that much time away from writing since I had started. And I remember what
you spoke to me in the middle of that fear, “You show up, I’ll show up.”

And that is what you have spoken to me in the middle of my fear today.
It has been a season of battling some fears. Fears that in moments have
overwhelmed me. That is the emotion that fear usually brings with it. That sense
of being overwhelmed. Drowning almost. And yet what is overwhelming me is
usually not even where I am. I can be living in a beautiful Saturday, with
sunshine and free time, and entrenched in the overwhelming feeling of what I
know the next weekend will hold.

It is a perpetual battle for me as I
keep my heart alive. That living in the present. That remembering what both you
and my mom told me years ago. Her words being, “You don’t need that grace today.
When you get there the grace you need will be there.” Very similar to your
words, “You show up. I’ll show up.”

Well, I showed up today. In fact,
I’ve been showing up for the past forty-three years. And you have too.
Faithfully. Consistently. Beautifully. Why I doubt I don’t know. Why with your
track record would I question still frustrates me. And yet I do.

So I read of Mary. The angel tells her she will have a child. She questions – but her
question is different. She doesn’t laugh like Sarah did with the announcement
that Isaac would arrive in a year. No, Sarah’s was a moment of doubt. Mary’s
more a moment of wonder. She wondered. What are you up to God? How can you
accomplish such extraordinary things when I’m just an ordinary girl who has
never made love to a man?

And the angel knew the difference. Just like
you always know the difference in us. That angel’s response to Sarah was a
question. “Is anything to hard for God?” The question was met with her denial.
The denial of her laughter.

And then there is Mary. She encounters an
even more outlandish type of miracle.
Sarah has a husband. Granted he is
older than dirt. But he is her man. Mary. She’s having a baby with God. It feels
absurd. Unbelievable. And yet, her question comes from such a different place.
And the angel responds, “For nothing is impossible with God.” She didn’t need a
question. Because there would be no more challenge to her or her faith. Her
response said it all.
“I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said
about me come true.”

Father, in spite of all of my fears. In spite of
the outlandish promises I have tucked away inside of me that I believe have been
planted with holy seed – I am choosing to believe that nothing is impossible
with you. And I ask that everything you have said about me come true.

I will show up knowing that if I do you will too. You have too. I can’t do it
without you. This fast is a reminder to both me and you of that. I can’t do it
and I don’t want to do it without you. But knowing I don’t have to makes me
desire everything you have said about me to come true….