For the past few years I have done a first of the year fast. I grew up being taught both the beauty and the power of fasting. It is also a practice that I love to teach on because there are many people who have never even heard a lesson on fasting. Yet it is one of the most powerful tools in the arsenal of a Christian. In the sermon on the mount in Matthew 6:1-18 Jesus taught, “When you give…When you pray…When you fast. It is something we are called to do. And it is something that will not only change us, but change the very situations we face.

Another thing I do at the beginning of the year is seek God over a word for my year. This year the word He clearly gave me was courage from Joshua 1:9 “This is my command-be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” To no surprise the enemy has fought me hard already this year with discouragement.

For the next few months I’m going to take you into a few of the personal journals from my fast. Since I journaled my healing after my divorce, journaling has become a way of life to me. I journal as a prayer. I am talking to my Father. So, these are vulnerable and real places. But I thought as we journey together these might encourage you in your own journey.

Day 1
All I knew was that today I was to fast. We’ve been doing this for quite a few years now you and I. But this one was different. I’ve been tired. December took a toll on me. The last few years have made me a nester. The crazy normal of my new life has been as if you have hidden me away. There have been conferences – no travel- instead, the past three years have been ministering where I am planted. And getting used to this new life of large grocery bills- couponing to not go broke. Carpooling. Weekends where we spend eight hours in the car and don’t leave our city. A life that is new and exciting and painful and often leaves me clinging to you in a frantic way as if this roller coaster could shoot me to space any second.

And in this new normal you have hid me. Created a different pace. And it has made me enjoy home. So when December held so much travel I felt a weight in that. I think too the demands of ministry and the darker places we have infiltrated with Love Nashville also brought with it an assault as well. So the combination left me heavy, sad and needy.

And when December was over – I was exhausted. And I didn’t know if my body could physically even handle a fast. So I rested. I spent three days in PJ’s with cold cokes and really good food and you. And you revived my soul. Sweetly. In rest.
And so I knew I was to fast. Today has been sweet. I haven’t even been exceptionally hungry which has been a gift. My prayer time was sweet because it wasn’t rushed. And as I enter this season I’m not sure what You have planned, but I just want you to know that I enter it with courage. As I know courage is my word for this year. You made that clear.

Even knowing my word is courage holds in it a little anxiety. To be courageous means you have to encounter something that holds within it some element of fear. Some element of the unknown. And a huge element of my abilities being sufficient. But I must rest. To weigh the “what-if’s” will make me crazy. And sister ain’t good when she’s crazy. So Father, whatever you have in this I want. Though my heart feels different going into this fast this year. I still say, “Whatever you have I want.”